The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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