Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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