I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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