Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
this is an emotional support booty call
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
