omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
