too bad you live with your parents still
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
