Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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