My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
