the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
