All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
