My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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