Whats the glycemic index on semen?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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