i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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