There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
