I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
