Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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