How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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