I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
