Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
