Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
