i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
