I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
