If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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