Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
