eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
