There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
