Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
