I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
