So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
