how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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