Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
