You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
