Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
