Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
