standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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