A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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