I accidentally had phone sex last night
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
