I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
