My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
