my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
