after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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