In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just tell him i said nine months
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
