a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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