he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
