Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
