So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
