even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
