I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
well you can't waste a boner
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
