We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
