Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
