please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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