im about as happy as oj after his trial
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
